A Screenplay [ nicole smith]
Spiteful Monster
A ScreenplayEXT. NOTTING HILL, LONDON - AFTERNOON
Intuitive shopkeeper NISSY NICK BELL is arguing with special swordsman DR WHO BBC. NICK tries to hug WHO but he shakes her off.
Please who, don't leave me.
I'm sorry Nick, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
I am such a person!
WHO frowns.
I'm sorry, Nick. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
WHO leaves.
NICK sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, courageous homemaker DOCTOR WHO MARVELL barges in looking flustered.
Goodness, who! Is everything okay?
I'm afraid not.
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
It's ... a monster ... I saw an evil monster gobble a bunch of elderly gents!
Defenseless elderly gents?
Yes, defenseless elderly gents!
Bloomin' heck, who! We've got to do something.
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
You can start by telling me where this happened.
I was...
WHO fans herself and begins to wheeze.
Focus who, focus! Where did it happen?
a supermarket! That's right - a supermarket!
NICK springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
NICK rushes along the street, followed by WHO. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. A SUPERMARKET - SHORTLY AFTER
SMITTY . a spiteful monster terrorises two elderly gents.
NICK, closely followed by WHO, rushes towards SMITTY, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
What is is? What's the matter?
That's not just any old monster, that's smitty .!
Who's smitty .?
Who's smitty .? Who's smitty .? Only the most spiteful monster in the universe!
Blinkin' knickers, Nick! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful monster in the universe!
You can say that again.
Blinkin' knickers, Nick! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful monster in the universe!
I'm going to need rainbows, lots of rainbows.
smitty turns and sees Nick and who. She grins an evil grin.
Nick Bell, we meet again.
You've met?
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young NICK is sitting in a park listening to some jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees SMITTY. She takes off her headphones.
Would you like some jelly tots?
NICK's eyes light up, but then he studies SMITTY more closely, and looks uneasy.
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful monster in the world.
Wait, you're a monster?
NICK runs away, screaming.
EXT. A SUPERMARKET - PRESENT DAY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
(To NICK) You ran away?
(To WHO) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
NICK turns to SMITTY.
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
NICK runs away.
She turns back and shouts.
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with rainbows.
I'm not scared of you.
You should be.
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - LATER THAT DAY
NICK and WHO walk around searching for something.
I feel sure I left my rainbows somewhere around here.
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly rainbows.
You know nothing who marvell.
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, SMITTY appears, holding a pair of rainbows.
Looking for something?
Crikey, Nick, she's got your rainbows.
Tell me something I don't already know!
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
I know that already!
I'm afraid of sausages.
(appalled) Dude!
While SMITTY is looking at WHO with disgust, NICK lunges forward and grabs her deadly rainbows. He wields them, triumphantly.
Prepare to die, you spiteful fish!
No please! All I did was gobble a bunch of elderly gents!
WHO enters, unseen by any of the others.
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly gents were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Nick Bell defender of innocent elderly gents.
Don't hurt me! Please!
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these rainbows on you right away!
Because Nick, I am your mother.
NICK looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
No you're not!
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
SMITTY tries to grab the rainbows but NICK dodges out of the way.
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, SMITTY slumps to the ground.
Did she just faint?
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly rainbows.
NICK crouches over SMITTY's body.
Be careful, Nick. It could be a trick.
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... smitty . is dead!
What?
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
WHO claps her hands.
So your rainbows did save the day, after all.
WHO steps forward.
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful monster?
who how long have you been...?
WHO puts his arm around NICK.
Long enough.
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed smitty ..
Then the elderly gents are safe?
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable elderly gents enter, looking relived.
You are their hero.
The elderly gents bow to NICK.
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that smitty . will never gobble elderly gents ever again, is enough for me.
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the elderly gents passes NICK a magic pendant
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
Well, if you insist.
NICK takes the pendant.
Thank you.
The elderly gents bow their heads once more, and leave.
NICK turns to WHO.
Does this mean you want me back?
Oh, Nick, of course I want you back!
NICK smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
Well you can't have me.
WHAT?
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a monster to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
But...
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, who.
WHO grins.
But...
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
Nick?
I'm sorry who, but I think you should skidaddle.
WHO leaves.
WHO turns to NICK.
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly WHO stops.
When I said I'm afraid of sausages, you know I was just trying to distract the monster don't you?
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